just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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