I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
