one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
