You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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