I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
