i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
