Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
