Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
