literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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