I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
