I'm gonna have a badass scar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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