I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
