i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
