No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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