life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
