he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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