I hate all girls vehemently.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
