Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
