The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize