Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
