Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
