When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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