wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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