I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
