I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
