that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
