ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
