pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
