yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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