I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
