Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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