we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
