i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
