I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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