So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize