I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
