I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
