he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
