that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize