I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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