Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
