well you can't waste a boner
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize