Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
