You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i think im in europe. pls send help
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize