You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
