I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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