you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
