I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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