I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
