The maid of honor just puked.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
