I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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