I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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