no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
