I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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