I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
