I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
