This is not my ceiling
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
