Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
