when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
