Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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