i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
