Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
