escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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