thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize